Kolomental Begins at Home: A Reading of Everybody Don Kolomental by Tolu’ A. Akinyemi
The common saying is “charity begins at home”. This phrase illustrates the indispensable role that the family unit plays in nurturing children. However, the poet deconstructs this assumption and invites us to reexamine the family’s contribution to mental health. What we find is unsettling. Rather than the family being a refuge, it acts as a breeding ground for the struggles that affects its members. This review examines how the collection portrays the family’s role in shaping mental health.
One of the most pervasive practices in African homes is comparison. In Competition, we are shown a house where a father compares his daughter to others. The first person he compares his daughter with is so wealthy she sends things home. The second person has children whereas his daughter has none. “Papa” sincerely compares his daughter to these people to motivate her. Unbeknownst to “Papa”, he is setting the groundwork for a much larger problem – mental health crises. Many parents are guilty of this. The unfortunate thing about comparison is how innocent the act is. While the act is good intentioned, the repercussion is far from good.
The things parents say to their children also have a lot of implications on the mental health of their children. “Boys don’t cry” is one of those words that are often thrown around in a typical African home. This is supposed to imbue in the boychild resilience over life’s vicissitudes. Tolu’ shows us in Men Don’t Cry that the opposite is usually the case. These boys who are told all of these eventually grow into men who have low emotional quotient. Hence, they are ill-equipped to respond to lives crises. Many hide their true emotional state behind the mask of perfection. They live this persona until it becomes too late like ”Freddie” in Men Don’t Cry.
Be a Strong Man is another poem in this collection that reechoes the thrust of this review. “They say, Be as strong as a rock”, this is another “wise” piece of advice that parents are wont to offer their children. And like “boys don’t cry”, they sound harmless. What does not meet the eyes are the invisible repercussions that they bear. While they tell the boychild what not to do, they do not tell the boychild what to do. That is, if boys should not cry, what else should they do in the face of sorrow, pain, loss and dark days. The same too can be said about “Be as strong as a rock”. It is a weak piece of advice. A man is not a rock and can never be one. Attempting to be one will only make one to become one eventually – non-living, dead.
Akinyemi also captures the consequences of a family that fails to provide a safe space for emotional honesty. In Mental, the persona is grappling with mental health issues but is unable to confide in his parents (“father” and “mother”). He fears that rather than find healing, he may trigger high blood pressure: “How do I tell mother my mental health is failing like a car/without brakes?/without her heart pumping blood like a revving car?/at turbo speed.” The persona fears being “Judged” for opening up about his mental health struggles. The persona worries that both his father and mother will do little to help him. Rather than help, he worries that they may end up exacerbating the issue. As a result, he keeps his struggles to himself.
This is not something that should be encouraged. But, alas! This is what happens in homes where children are not free to be honest about their mental health. These homes become a stage with children playing roles to please the “DIRECTOR”.
Tolu’ shows us a major contributor to the reason why Everybody Don Kolomental. You cannot mistake it as you read through the collection. It is the somewhat indirect contributions of parents. It comes in form of repeated sayings like: “boys don’t cry” and “Be as strong as a rock”. It also comes in form of comparison and a culture of silence. These are indirect factors that both trigger and reinforce mental health issues.
Still, Akinyemi’s critique of the family is not an attack but a call to attention. His poetry unmasks practices that many consider normal and exposes their hidden costs. The goal is not to condemn but to correct. When the family plays its proper role as a support system, mental health crises can be reduced, leaving therapists with less to mend—especially since, as one poem reminds us, even therapists sometimes need therapy. Tolu’ A. Akinyemi compels us to rethink the narratives we pass on to our children. His poems remind us that words—casual comparisons, silencing commands, hollow advice—can either become seeds of healing or of kolomental.